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Bruce Vilanch Emcees The Michael Musto Roast

Thursday, May 25th, 2017

Unicorn Booty
14 Hilarious Reads from Michael Musto’s New York City Roast
Written by Alexander Kacala
on May 23, 2017


Last night, a “who’s who” of New York City gathered to honor Michael Musto at a roast given in his honor. No, really, who was who?

Comedian Bruce Vilanch was the fabulous emcee for the evening. Rosie O’Donnell opened the show with a few words, roasting Musto by reminding the audience of how their relationship began many years ago.
“I know it wasn’t really a shock to anyone in this room that I was a big fucking lesbian but middle America apparently was confused,” O’Donnell said. “And Michael Musto was a very pissed off fag.”

“Very faggy gay men seem to be very troubled by dykey gay women who refuse to acknowledge their lesbianism,” she went on.

But obviously the water is under the bridge, as O’Donnell showed up to support Musto’s event for a good cause. O’Donnell ended her set by matching funds raised for the Callen-Lorde Center, donating $20,000 to the LGBT wellness center in New York City.

Jinkx Monsoon, Bianca Del Rio, Real Housewife LuAnn D’Agostino and Judy Gold were just some of the notable names on the bill, reading each other and the man of the hour. Del Rio of course was a highlight of the night — and right at home up there, as roasting is what she does best.

The evening was produced by Daniel DeMello and Nathaniel Nowak. Directed by Rachel Klein, many of the night’s best jokes were written for the roasters by Erik Ransom and Matthew McLachlan. Even Musto himself wrote some of the best digs made at his own expense.

Here are 14 of the funniest moments from Michael Musto’s roast:
Bruce Vilanch to United Airways:

“I came in from LA for this. It was incredible this morning as they dragged me off my United flight. Which was really unusual because I thought United only does Chinese take-out.”

Michael Musto to Bianca Del Rio:

“Bianca Del Rio, Hurricane Katrina is only the second worst thing to ever happen to New Orleans.”

Bianca Del Rio to Randy Rainbow:

“I don’t really know who Randy Rainbow is, but from the looks of his name, I guarantee he’s not allowed 800 feet anywhere near a grade school.”

Judy Gold to Michael Musto:

“Michael Musto is Al Franken run over by a pride parade.”

Johnny Skandros to Countess LuAnn:

“You’re the worst thing to happen to music since Whitney Houston started taking baths.”

Bianca Del Rio to Rosie O’Donnell:

“She has her differences with Trump. But she is a lot like Trump. She has five different kids from three different wives. It’s funny, because if Rosie goes ahead and buys another child, she will have to live in a shoe. And with her being a lesbian, can you imagine how fucking ugly that shoe is going to be?”

Johnny Skandros to Michael Musto

“I have to give you a lot of credit, Musto. You somehow survived the ’80s. It’s like your face was the original PrEP.”

Jinkx Monsoon to Michael Musto:

“With all the fashion sense of a hospital out-patient, Michael Musto looks like Ray Romano if he had a much harder life.”

Orfeh to Bruce Vilanch:

“These are scary times, folks. I don’t understand how people can continue to deny climate change in 2017. I mean, the proof is right in front of us! It’s almost summer and Bruce Vilanch’s neck pouch is still stuffed with the acorns he foraged last fall!”

Crystal Demure to Bianca Del Rio:

“Other recommended viewings on Netflix for Hurricane Bianca are ‘Gouging Their Eyes Out.’”

Marcus Kelle to Bruce Vilanch:

“The last time you got fucked was by genetics.”

Judy Gold to Jinkx Monsoon:

“You look like Kathy Griffin had sex with meth!”

Lucy The Slut to the drag queens:

“Look at these drag queens! They look great, but their makeup is kinda like Febreeze. Pleasant, but it’s main purpose is to cover up shit.”

Michael Musto to Jinkx Monsoon:

“Jinx, you do a brilliant Edie Beale impression, except she happened to be talented, not just mentally ill.”

Reminder: Bruce Vilanch Headlines BGMC’sCrescendo EDGE Boston May 8

Monday, May 3rd, 2010

Edge Boston
Oscars Funnyman Bruce Vilanch Headlines BGMC’s ’Crescendo’
by Kilian Melloy
Monday May 3, 2010

The Boston Gay Men’s Chorus is set to present its annual fun-filled gala and fund-raiser, Crescendo, this coming Saturday night, May 8. The evening begins at 6:30 p.m. and rollicks for hours with Oscars head writer Bruce Vilanch headlining the entertainment.

A BGMC press release notes, “Bruce has written material for Bette, Lily, Whoopi and many of Hollywood’s biggest stars. In addition to his own stand-up, Bruce wowed Broadway as Harvey Fierstein’s replacement in Hairspray. Bruce will dish the dirt all night and entertain you for the finale of Crescendo.”

There will also be hors d’oeuvres and a silent auction jam packed with big ticket items like Broadway shows, a VIP trip to Hollywood to see an episode of Ellen being taped, and a karaoke party for 30, and smaller—but unique—baskets prepared by the members of the Chorus themselves: everything from a “Dirty Boy” gift basket to “A Big Basket of Bruce!”

The release notes, “The BGMC has provided over $275,000 to support HIV, civil rights, and LGBT Youth causes. We have taken community outreach concerts to more than 60 towns and cities across New England, singing about our lives for over 55,000 first time attendees. Our award-winning High School Outreach Project has changed hearts and minds at schools across the Commonwealth. None of this would be possible without the funds raised at Crescendo.

“Ticket sales from our Boston concerts only cover 45% of our annual costs,” the release continues. “In this time of declining government, corporate and foundation support, we need your support at Crescendo to continue to be your voice of pride. During this 2009-10 season we have been operating on an austerity budget that is 20% lower than previous years, but we have not yet had to sacrifice artistic quality or our community outreach programs because you have been there for us.

“Join us for Crescendo and enjoy an evening of fun that also does good. If you aren’t able to attend, please consider making a tax deductible donation equal to your ticket price.”

Crescendo tickets are $75 per person,” text at the BGMA website reads. “A limited number of VIP Tickets at $125 include an exclusive pre-Crescendo cocktail reception with Bruce Vilanch hosted by the BGMC’s Board President.”

Crescendo kicks off at 6:30 p.m. at the Royale Nightclub (formerly The Roxy), located at 279 Tremont Street in Boston.

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